The Truth About Customer Service

Allow me to be completely honest, I hate customer service.

I despise it.

Dealing with people and their stupid demands, having to act interested in what they talk about, having to maintain a pleasant demeanor at all times, having to say yes all the time, having to kiss people’s asses because they’re ‘investing money into a product’.

I hate all of it.

Particularly, being an employee pushing a product I care nothing about and having to put up with utter nonsense from not only customers but managers as well.

Now that the initial rant is out of the way, let’s explore what I mean by the truth about customer service.

There’s this concept that’s been in existence since the inception of the professional world. It is a concept that one can put on a mask for a certain amount of time each day while at work and then be themselves outside of work. This concept is called code-switching.

What is code-switching?

Code-switching means “the modifying of one’s speech, behavior, appearance, etc. to adapt to different sociocultural norms.” See full explanation here.

Now, the concept of code-switching sounds good in theory; however, it is in the author’s opinion that code switching requires a level of cognitive dissonance and duplicitousness. To put on a mask and present a false version of yourself to make a living is not only deceptive but morally questionable. Now, we’re all forced to do it because of societal norms and the fact we have bills to pay, and this economic system is set up to where most of us have to work 9-5’s we don’t like to make ends meet and this is just for our basic needs, let alone a vacation.

The human brain likes homeostasis. It like to be consistent as in being in one mode all the time so that it can reach a point of automaticity. When the brain engrains a habit for long enough, it can now expend less energy on it and move onto other things more pertinent to survival. Now, the neuroplasticity of the brain is greatest during the early stages of development and decreases as one gets older and develops their adult brain. This is how minds become rigid and closed, when one dies the same thing over and over again and calls it living.

Now, here’s why code-switching requires cognitive dissonance. . .

Now, what is cognitive dissonance?

Cognitive Dissonance– the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

When we have to spend 8-16hrs a day pretending to be someone else, 6-8hrs sleeping, 4-8hrs with family, friends, etc., how much time do we really have as individuals to find ourselves, let alone be ourselves and have quality ‘me’ time?

Not a lot is it?

The thing about customer service is that it forces you to put up with shit you wouldn’t put up with outside work. And, if you have a personality type that is expressive and you work at a job that doesn’t suit that personality type, and it’s the only job you’re good at, you’re going to be very miserable. Why? because you spend so much time being someone else around people you wouldn’t hang out with otherwise and having to take orders from people you would punch in the face in different circumstances.

And this causes a level of cognitive dissonance.

How so?

Well, it you’re constantly switching off parts of you that are deemed undesirable and keeping up the appearance of parts that are, what typically happens when the real you slips out? You get written up, sent to the manager’s office like a fucking child, a write-up, a 90-day probation, and eventually you get fired. This is if you’re a man, a woman has license to be herself as she’s the most protected gender in this society.

That’s another topic though, back to customer service.

The name of the profession sounds like bullshit. You don’t serve your customers; you sell them a product. If they like the product, great. If they don’t, fuck’em. More people will show up to replace them. Look, everyone knows that once you establish a regular customer base your business is pretty much guaranteed. The only goal after that is expansion. And, once you expand your customer base it gets to a point where you don’t have to worry so much about making sure every single person is happy.

In a small business, customer service is necessary; in a large corporation, they have support groups there to solve your issue and get on with your day. Why do you think customer support people sound so robotic? They don’t give a fuck about you, you’re just a number to them because so many people already buy the product, and their paychecks are already set in stone.

Let’s get on these owners and managers for a moment. . .

These self-aggrandizing, arrogant, dildo-up-the-ass fucks actually expect you to be passionate about a product you only heard of when you applied for the fucking job. Seriously? They expect you to give 150% percent effort for fucking peanuts compared to what the owners and CEO’s get paid. They expect you to go hard in the paint for every random retard with a couple bucks that comes in to buy the fucking product.

Honestly, going in and just doing your job without being a blatant asshole is no longer enough.

Now, they want you to be a happy-go-lucky, sensitive, rainbow twirling weirdo that doesn’t have a life outside work and lives to please people. They want you to be a validation seeking sycophant that does nothing but bootlick and ass-kiss until the cows come to be milked. They want you to dedicate yourself to their mission for some bullshit paycheck.

Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m aware how business works and the expenses that have to be paid by owners and corporations to remain standing.

What I’m saying is that these managers act as babysitters to make sure everyone is doing their job and sometimes it’s needed. However, they have no ability to differentiate between who’s competent and who sucks and needs to be fired. They try to stick a dildo up everyone’s ass by hovering, pacing up and down the work area, snooping around, etc.

Look, I’m a grown man and know how to conduct myself. I don’t need to be babied and ‘supervised’. I’m well aware of what happens when you don’t conduct yourself accordingly but, apparently, because some people don’t, now I have to have a vigilante manager trying to order me around like I’m a fucking teenager who doesn’t know any better.

And let’s not get to the fucking customers. . .

Fuck’em!

Look, I get it. If you pay for something, you expect a quality product. That’s completely fair. But just because you’re paying for something doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole or to talk to people like they’re not human beings. Your $5 don’t mean shit, buddy, so shove it back up your ass where you got it from and fuck off!

And let’s not get to the annoying, over-the-top, extra shit orders. I mean the ones that want everything and the fucking kitchen sink with sprinkles and a chocolate chip cookie for decorative purposes. Why the fuck is it taking me ten minutes to fulfill one order?! Bruh!! Order your fucking food and get the fuck out of my face.

“Oh, let me get a turkey sub with swiss cheese, no tomatoes, extra onion, easy oil, extra lettuce, avocado, pickles, mustard, mayo, spicy mustard, pickle relish, pepperocini’s, yellow peppers, cucumbers, 3 bell peppers, 12 olives, 3 bags of chips, four medium drinks, two cups for water, 8 packets of ketchup, six packets of red pepper, a regular coffee with three sugars and light creamer. . . oh, and could you make the bread extra soft because I just went to the dentist and my teeth are really sensitive. . .”

And this is for one person. . .

I honestly believe that when one dies and they go to hell, it’s going to be customer service.

The truth, customer service is the absolute worst job anyone can have. Even if you like dealing with people. Code-switching is a symptom of cognitive dissonance as it requires you to be a false representation of who you really are. And being a fucking yes man, pretending to be happy to trade your time for a bullshit paycheck, and being surrounded by fucking weirdoes and retards, is a fate worse than death.

Peace.

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