Alright, I think its time someone in this space explained the actual meaning of the stoic philosophy, particularly as it pertains to dating and relationships as well as life itself. The overall misinterpretation of what the philosophy is and its purpose as it pertains to the individual has led men astray, it has lead men (and women) to believe that stoicism is just “suck it up” or “deal with it” without taking into account the state of a person’s mental faculties and capabilities, and this is something that sorely needs to be addressed if we’re going to evolve as men.
Now, I can give you the history lesson about stoicism and its founders; however, that’s not relevant to the point of this video. Now, to the philosophers out there, if you’re going to practice any philosophy, it will behoove you to not only know what the philosophy is but the history of said philosophy as the history is integral to how the philosophy works and how one can use it to live a better life.
A commenter asked me to make more videos about minimalism and, funny enough, stoicism is, actually, in line with minimalism as it too encourages people to live a life in harmony with nature. Now, what does that mean? In harmony with nature. It simply means get what you need and nothing more, that’s it.
Now, let us go into what the philosophy actually means by explaining one of its core mechanisms:
The Dichotomy of Control.
Now, the dichotomy of control was erected by Epictetus where he states (and I’m paraphrasing) that “some things are up to us while others are not; therefore, we should only focus on the things that are up to us”. The dichotomy of control encourages us to focus only on things like our thoughts, actions, desires, aversions, and anything else we have complete control over and to disregard anything such as other people’s feelings, office, reputation, social status, and anything else that is not within our direct control.
The running example Epictetus uses is that of a tennis match. If a stoic wants to maintain his equanimity and peace of mind, he would be wise to internalize his goals rather than attach himself to a result or outcome. Being, that he would focus only on playing to the best of his ability, as that goal is solely controlled by him as opposed to winning the match (which he has only partial control over).
The stoic philosophy isn’t meant for men to just put up with everyone’s crap and to “deal with it” or “suck it up”. It is meant for men to maintain their peace of mind and equanimity by using the power of discernment to recognize the difference between things they can control and things they cannot, and not attaching themselves to the things they can’t control.
Well, it should. This is what I and countless other content creators have been trying to tell you when it comes to women. You can’t control anything she does, she’s going to do what she wants to do, and it is your right to do the same. Your only job is to discern when she’s doing something stupid and to remove yourself from the equation.
Now, there have been authors of stoicism that have advocated trying to make a relationship work or improving your performance to keep your job or trying to improve relations with family members and such, and all that’s good. However, the stoics never stated that you should do this at the expense of your peace of mind and equanimity.
The stoics addressed multiple facets of life, not just intimate relationships and others of a similar nature. They also addressed Logic and Physics. Now, the physics is a bit outdated, and the logic is something we’re capable of using in other things except relationships for some reason.
The stoics we’re also aware of the nature of the universe and reality, so they did study metaphysics which requires a higher order of thinking beyond the pragmatic plane. However, for this video, I’m just giving a basic, elementary understanding of the philosophy as I have just gotten into it myself.
The key takeaways?
- Use the power of discernment to pick your battles wisely
- Understand that you have the same rights, with more advantage, as women do
- Understand you have just as much agency as she does, and it is your right to hold her accountable for her actions, and if she doesn’t like that, she can kick rocks
- Most of the bullshit you go through with women is your fault. Yeah, I know that sounds like shaming but it’s not. Stop ignoring red flags and thinking with your dick and you’ll realize what I’m saying is true.
- As a man, you have the ability to manipulate reality to your will. Therefore, in the world you create for yourself, it is within your control to set parameters that are immutable and to eliminate anyone from your life that doesn’t follow those parameters.
- Without a philosophy, you will live your life as women do, just floating around from one thing to the next without any clear direction and you’ll be lost in the weeds for way longer than you’re supposed to be. The key to getting your shit together is a sound and solid philosophy.
And now, for minimalism. How does minimalism align with the stoic philosophy? Simple, the stoics believed in living a life in harmony with nature and that pursuing virtue is the highest good. That from virtue comes money, status, reputation and all good things that can be bestowed upon man. Minimalism helps you sort out what you actually need rather than what you think you need and shows you just how little you need to be satisfied and content with life; therefore, minimalism is a component to stoicism as it helps you control your desires which allows you, paradoxically, to accumulate more wealth and live the life you want to live.
In fact, some of the values of minimalism such as contributing to charities, doing good deeds for others, giving back to the community by volunteering, starting your own group with likeminded people to help propel mankind even a fraction of the way forward, falls in line with stoicism. Stoicism, at its essence, is a philosophy meant to bring people together and evolve mankind through the ages. By pursuing virtue and doing what is right, we can not only be better men, but better human beings and we can lead others in the same direction (those that want to be lead).
Therefore, if you are practicing stoicism, you are by default practicing minimalism as well. Do what is essential. Do what is necessary. Apply structure to your days and your life as you go about it. The pursuit of virtue and the maintaining of peace of mind and equanimity are paramount if you want to become a better human being.